Field report. Day 18:
I love this girl so much. More than anyone in my entire life. So that's why a single and subtle change on the way she talks to me makes me think that she is mad at me or something.
That's how it always works, I get "false clues", I start thinking that she is mad at me, then my ridiculous mind starts increasing those feelings, then I can't sleep thinking that she stopped loving me for some reason, and then my reckless behavior makes me do stuff without even thinking and therefore I commit countless mistakes. That's how it's been working my entire life.
I probably need not just to vent here but to meditate until my stupid mind clears out. I really really really don't want to screw up things with her, she might me the one for me, and I want it to be like that.
I miss her so much...